“What she wore” should NEVER matter!

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Think you’re alone? maybe this will help…

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Isn’t it just CRAZY that we live in a time where its just fine to come out and say that we were victims of a robbery or some crime like that, But even when we know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are victims of sexual abuse, NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT!?!? If you ask me, that’s a problem… the truth is, you’re not alone.. don’t believe me? check out this list of famous people who have also shattered the silence of their own sexual abuse. (hmm when do you think they’re gonna add Sarah from the Real World to the list, eh? haha) SPEAK OUT! BREAK THE SILENCE! TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!  I mean really…Henry Rollins, Mr. Badass-Motha’-You-Know-What himself is on the list! These people don’t let their abuse define them, and neither should you!

  • Alexander Pushkin (poet) abuse, info courtesy of AEST
  • Alice Walker (author/activist) abuse
  • Andrea Dworkin (author/activist) rape
  • Angela Rose (activist) sexual assault (visit Angela’s site here )
  • Angela Shelton (actress/model/director/actvist) incest
  • Angie Dickenson (actress, etc) emotional abuse
  • Anne Heche (actress) incest
  • Anne Sexton (poet) child sexual abuse, info courteousy of AEST
  • Antwone Fisher (author) emotional abuse/child sexual abuse
  • Axl Rose (musician) child sexual abuse (according to IMDB.com)
  • Baby Lyssa Chapman (famous bounty hunter/daughter of Dog) statutory rape
  • Beethoven (composer) unspecified child abuse
  • Beth Chapman (famous bail bondswoman/wife of Dog) domestic violence
  • Bill Clinton (former U.S. President) secondary domestic violence
  • Billie Holliday (singer) childhood rape
  • Billy Connoly (comedian) incest
  • Brett Butler (actress) domestic violence
  • Carlos Santana (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Carrie Otis (model) rape
  • Chester Bennington (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Christina Aguilera (singer) unspecified child abuse/secondary domestic violence
  • Christina Applegate (actress) dating violence
  • Christina Crawford (author) emotional abuse
  • Cindy Williams (actress) emotional abuse
  • Clara Bow (actress) incest
  • Connie Francis (singer) rape
  • Dave Mustaine (musician) child physical abuse/secondary domestic violence
  • Dave Pelzer (author) multiple forms of abuse
  • Derek Luke (actor) child sexual abuse
  • Desi Arnaz, Jr. (actor) emotional abuse
  • Dog the Bounty Hunter (famous bounty hunter/reality TV stars) child physical abuse
  • Dorie VanStone (author) multiple forms of abuse
  • Drew Barrymore (actress) unspecified child abuse
  • Eleanor Roosevelt (former First Lady) unspecified child abuse
  • Elizabeth I (Queen of England) teenage sexual assault, info courteousy of AEST
  • Elizabeth Barrett Browning (poet) abuse, info courteousy of AEST
  • Elizabeth Loftus (psychologist) child sexual abuse
  • Ella Fitzgerald (singer) abuse
  • Emme (model) emotional abuse
  • Erin Gray (actress) unspecified child abuse
  • Eve Ensler (playwright/actress) incest
  • Fantasia (singer) teenage rape
  • Farrah Faucett (actress) domestic violence
  • Fiona Apple (musician) childhood rape
  • Florence Holway (artist/activist) rape
  • Fran Drescher (actress) rape
  • Gabrielle Union (actress) rape
  • Gavin DeBecker (violent crime expert) psychological abuse
  • George Orwell (author) unspecified child abuse
  • Greg Luganis (athlete) abuse
  • Halle Berry (actress, model) domestic violence
  • Henry Miller (writer) abuse, info courtesy of AEST
  • Henry Rollins (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Janice Dickenson (model) child physical & emotional abuse
  • Janice Mirikitani (poet) incest, Janice’s story is featured on a DVD sold at RAINN’s site
  • Johannes Brahms (composer) child sexual abuse, info courteousy of AEST
  • Jonathan Davis (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Joyce Meyer (evangelist, author) child physical abuse & incest
  • Kirk Hammett (musician) child physical & sexual abuse
  • Laveraneus Coles (athlete) child sexual abuse
  • Leslie Triber (author/poet) abuse
  • Lorena Bobbit – marital rape
  • Lynn C. Tolson (author) incest/domestic violence/sexual assault
  • Marie Waldrep (poet/activist) incest/domestic violence
  • Marilyn Manson (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Marilyn Monroe (actress) child physical & sexual abuse/childhood attempted rape (according to IMDB.com)/domestic violence
  • Marilyn VanDerber Atler (former Miss America) incest
  • Mary J. Blige (singer) emotional abuse/childhood rape/secondary domestic violence
  • Mary Wollestonecraft (author) child physical abuse
  • Mata Hari (famous spy) domestic violence
  • Maya Angelou (author, poet) childhood rape
  • Maynard James Keenan (musician) child sexual abuse
  • Meat Loaf (musician) peer abuse/parental physical abuse (?)
  • Mike Patton (musician) neglect/child sexual abuse
  • Missy Elliot (rapper, producer) child sexual abuse/secondary domestic violence
  • Nicole Brown Simpson – domestic violence (very likely murdered by OJ)
  • Oprah Winfrey (talk show host) child sexual abuse
  • Ozzy Osbourne (musician) emotional abuse
  • Pamela Anderson (actress) rape/domestic violence
  • Patricia Weaver Francisco (author) rape
  • Patsy Cline (singer) domestic violence
  • Patty Duke (actress, etc.) multiple forms of abuse, info courtesy of AEST
  • Paula White (evangelist, author) child sexual abuse
  • Queen Latifah (rapper/actress/model) child sexual abuse
  • Rain Pryor (actress) child physical abuse/teenage sexual abuse
  • Richard Nixon (former U.S. President) unspecified child abuse
  • Rita Hayworth (actress) incest
  • Robert Blake (actor) multiple forms of abuse, info courtesy of AEST
  • Rosanne Barr (actress/activist) child sexual abuse
  • Rose McGowan (actress) religious related (SRA?) abuse
  • Rosie Perez (actress) child sexual abuse
  • Rudyard Kipling (author) unspecified child abuse
  • Sandra Dee (actress) incest
  • Sinead O’Connor (musician) multiple forms of abuse, info courteousy of AEST
  • Stasi Eldredge (author) rape
  • Suzanne Somers (actress) emotional abuse
  • Teri Hatcher (actress) incest
  • Tina Turner (singer) domestic violence
  • Tom Arnold (actor, etc) abuse, info courtesy of AEST
  • Toni Childs (musician) abuse, info courteousy of AEST
  • Tori Amos (musician) rape
  • Virginia Woolf (author) incest
  • Viva (actress) child sexual abuse

It happens to men too…

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Many people think that sexual abuse is something that just women have to deal with, but the truth is, 1 in 6 men will be victims of sexual abuse.
If you are a male survivor, please know, you do not need to feel alone! There are MANY wonderful organizations out there to help you become a survivor and THRIVER! MaleSurvivor.org is an amazing non-profit group with a great website full of resources. Here is what they have to say about the myth that men cant be victimized…

“This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the “macho image,” declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children – weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators – who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats – whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.”

I encourage you to add messages in the comment box if you are a survivor who would like to speak out, or if you have any questions on where to go for help. THis is a community, and you are never alone. ❤

-Sarah

Making Sense of Monsters: Now Available on Amazon!

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Click here to order Making Sense of Monsters: 

Everyone always wants to know the WHOLE story, so here it is..

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Making Sense of Monsters is a memoir written by my mother that humorously and honestly tells of the ups and downs we have encountered in sharing our family’s story. She talks about what it was like to stand by me as I came forward about the sexual abuse I experienced at the hands of my father and shares how through defending and protecting me, SHE ended up on the terrorist watch list…. yup, you read that right… Terrorist. Watch list.

(PS! Order by December 2 and receive 30% off with the code BOOKDEAL at checkout!)

It’s a GREAT book.. but I’m a little biased…so here’s what a few others had to say…

“I could not put this book down. I just had to know what happened next. I am so inspired by this womans ability to face such adversity in her life and come through it all with such a positive attitude and her sense of humor still intact. Good for you Ms. Rice for standing up for what is right and protecting your family. You are my heroine. We need more people like you in the world.” -Zipprae

“Great book. I couldn’t but it down. Well written and holds your interest. A journey of how the author grows from her conflicts in life and learns to confront the demons of her past. A must read.”-Josephine Braund

A Message To Survivors…

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For all the survivors out there, here is my message:
BE STRONG
Every day is hard. Sometimes you’ll feel guilty, sometimes you’ll feel like it’s your fault, sometimes you’ll feel like no one believes you, sometimes you’ll feel like maybe you made it all up, or that nothing ever really happened. But stay true to yourself. NO ONE KNOWS BUT YOU. I, myself, have even received a few messages on social media sites from people claiming that I made it up, or that nothing ever happened. But I know the truth, and I am not the only one with a story. Now, every case is different  and everyone deal with things differently, but there are a few pieces of advice that, I think, apply to any survivor of abuse:

First and foremost: TELL SOMEONE! TELL SOMEONE TELL SOMEONE!!! the statute of limitations laws are different in every state and sometimes, only give victims a short window of time to report the crimes. If you can’t tell someone in your family, or a teacher, or close friend, sometimes it can be easier to share your story with a stranger, like a school counselor or therapist. Cities across the country have community centers that often provide free counseling especially for teens and young adults. Also, hop online and look up sexual abuse hotlines in your area. there are MANY MANY local organizations as well as national whos mission it is to help survivors of abuse. Some places are required to report any abuse to the authorities, and this is a good thing! it SHOULD be reported! not only to protect you, but to protect future victims as well, (cause we all know its NEVER something that happens “just once”)

Next, remember: We survive because we didn’t cause it. The abusers would like us to think we brought this on ourselves, that somehow something we did or something we were caused them to violate us. But it was something THEY did and what THEY are. Their treatment and threats were violence that they committed upon us, things that sicken us and manipulate our emotions years later. No matter what they said or did, we will survive because we know it is not our fault. It doesn’t matter what the feelings were, we didn’t cause this. This lesson was the hardest for me to learn, and may be for you too. I KNOW those feelings of self hatred and shame, and they’re normal! Which is why it’s so sad. Isn’t it strange that if someone shot you for no reason, you’d hate them and blame them, but when someone rapes you, YOU feel like it was your fault?! Its terrible… And sad, and common. Again, why we all need someone to talk to. someone to tell us we’re not alone.

Keep in mind: We use the emotional pain to make us Strong: Our abusers may have thought they broke us, beat us, dominated and manipulated us, but they strengthened us. They may have thought they took advantage of our weakness but the weakness is theirs. Their twisted behavior has left us with deep emotional pain but that pain makes us strong. It strengthens and reinforces our resolve to recapture every part of life they tried to steal. Every time their abuse comes to mind, force it out with happy, pure, thoughts, until your mind is overflowing with joy. Every time you sense an emptiness, fill it with useful, meaningful activity. For me, I found comfort in volunteer work. It made me feel better to know that i was helping others, and for many, in helping others, we also help ourselves.

And last but not least: We survive to help others survive: And this statement never meant so much to me as it does now. We get even stronger when we know there are other victims out there who need our help. We know more than anyone how alone you can feel after being abused, but now, we can be there when someone else needs us. We can become that person who understands and comforts…maybe even saves another from abuse. There may be no greater reason to survive than to help others become abuse survivors in recovery. This has given me purpose in life, motivation, and direction. Rather than dwelling on what happened, i have redirected my attention to helping those who truly need it. Those who haven’t learned the lessons that i have stated on here. Those who just need someone to tell them they are not alone. Together we are stronger. Reach out to someone and never never never feel ashamed to share your story, cause, more times than not, it will only encourage someone else to be strong and share theirs.

My dream is that one day we live in a world where society encourages us to stand up for ourselves and speak out about sexual abuse. Where everyone feel safe to talk about it, where no one fears people not believing them, but we are far far away from this world. Things will only change if you make an effort to change them. So i encourage you all to find that inner strength, and remember YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!! YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!

Peace and Love
Sarah